Squid Pro Quo

I've got crabs in my milk.

2009-08-12T12:14:00.000-07:00

I drink Old Milky like it's going outta style.
I'm slowly building up a collection of wine.
It's a good thing.

I'm feeling vaguely artistic these days, and starting to actually paint.
Got a big canvas on the go.

I want SO BADLY a Suzuki Kei Mini Truck.
They are beautiful.
Sooooo beautiful.

Kevin bought a beautiful new camera that has taken up residence in my bag...

I'm putting the word out about starting a 'zine.

Sound good anyone?

Sunday = Birthday

2009-08-08T11:28:00.000-07:00

This is where I will start my debauchery.

I have a place in Victoria now, part of my things are moved in.
I am ready to go back to school.
Now.
Right now.
Fuck August, please end.

I turn 20 tomorrow.

Awesome?

MARTIN!

2009-07-24T12:14:00.001-07:00

My brother broke Kevin's camera (which is the one I use... it's essentially mine...)

Can I afford a new one?

beeTdub: This is my brother Martin, dancing. For best viewing, please turn your head to the side or the screen.

Oh fuck I forgot

2009-07-17T19:06:00.000-07:00

I find it ironic the last title is "I will never 1-2-3-4get".
What did I do?

I haven't been taking pictures.
These are old.
Perhaps.
Moving.
Will change that.

Summer's been hot, my Macbook is making weird noises, and I have no work for the month of August yet.
I haven't spoken to two people in my life who were supposed to matter, and I'm wondering if I can survive another month and a half.

I want more tattoos.

I will never 1-2-3-4get.

2009-05-23T22:18:00.000-07:00

Oh the rest of May Long.
How did I used to function at work completely hungover and ready to puke again at any second?
...I wish I was the same.

Don't you forget the doctor.

Sweating penguin flesh like it's in style.

I could paint all these stories and have creative fodder for a lifetime.

This is May Long

2009-05-17T14:03:00.000-07:00

And how was your May Long weekend?
Mine... well... each year, it just gets better and better.
Last night?
I went to bed.

Truly happy.

Simple bliss.
:)

The electricity in your house wants to sing

2009-05-11T22:04:00.000-07:00

It all leads to an end.
It all leads to one thing.

Starting to realise that I don't know what I want.
And perhaps I need to be told what to do.
Having too many options, and I get lethargic.
Passive.

My brother got married.
I patched holes in walls.

Leif Erikson asked for forgiveness

2009-05-05T10:58:00.000-07:00

Martin's ghost on Kevin's bridge
Fulford Driveby
The cross road home
The last critique

This is the coffee shop. Mundane activities become public, because it's the faint human connection of voices floating over head that makes the human condition of loneliness feel not so... lonely.

I'm slowly starting to accept what my life is going to be like for the next 4 months.
And it's a hard acceptance, I can say that much.
I feel this urge to create so badly, but I'm only just starting to draw inspiration from this new pool.

Let's see how it all goes, shall we?

I stopped breathing that night

2009-05-03T22:03:00.000-07:00

There are, in the most extreme cases, sudden fits of nostalgia that can grip a person vice like and pincer grip, to act as the most terrifying moments of someone's life.

Something as simple as a shudder at a bus stop, the mere memory gracing skin, can leave a person speechless and salty, can choke a person.

Sometimes, I wonder why I kept trying to so hard.

It's my weak spot

2009-04-29T17:29:00.000-07:00

"Thanks for complimenting my eyes, I wish I got that more often."
Regrets, mistakes, accidents, nostalgia, lamentation.

"I'm looking for sugar substitutes"
Insipid, banal, mundane, pointless, tedious.

"I dig a solid convo"
Stout, corpulent, tough, strapping, hulking.

"I do stupid things when I get drunk and horny"
Foolish, absurd, inane, senseless, witless.

Oh you should have called again.

These are the lonely mornings

2009-04-28T18:41:00.000-07:00

" but you pushed
pushed enough
enough to make it more than just a radio wave
more than just the static of hearts
more than just glances, touches, accidental brushes
more than just mistakes, regrets for things of non existence. "

Back on the grind.
Drawing inspiration from a new pool.
Old Milky.

Oh shit this is my life

2009-04-20T21:42:00.000-07:00

And it's all over.
It's over for 4 months.
FUCK THIS FUCKING SHIT I DO NOT WANT TO BE ON SALT SPRING FUCK IT FUCK IT.
I WANT TO BE IN VICTORIA
I want to play poker till 3am before class.
I want to drink rye and rum on the walk home.
I want to blaze on playgrounds.
I want to hang out.
With people.
Who understand the differences between gouache and acrylic.
Who can tell you what Cubism did for Futurism.
And why we're all just students.

I miss this fucking shit.

With nights like these...

2009-04-10T20:55:00.000-07:00

... You have to believe something like fate exists.

No one has sat on a playground with me and talked for that long in ages.
And when you've got mad pasties and only rum to drink, you know it's a good night.
My arm is sore from sleeping on it. I can't believe we walked that far.
We went to bed at 8am.
You were sweet.
Thank you for listening.
I won't forget that night for a while.

Art, understanding, addictions, relationships, drugs, drinking, past, present, future, sunsets, sunrises, memories, installations, ideas, concepts, cigarettes, walking, hands, photographs and you.

I am robot and proud.

2009-04-08T19:09:00.000-07:00

How did we get here? One more class to go, 3 more interviews, and it's over.
Spent 5 hours and counting setting up an installation that doesn't even seem that great.
Putting up the photos was the most intense trip down memory lane.
I almost melted into silent sobs thinking back to the moments that caused those photos to even be taken. It was hard to put them up.
I'll post photos from this final project soon.

Skin flakes, shedding hair, post it notes and empty beer cans.
I wish you'd call me before I move.
So I could see you one more time.
And perhaps, that glance that caused my flesh to shudder off my bones could be so much more relaxed...
And I'd follow through.

Welcome to the Swiss Market

2009-04-07T23:06:00.000-07:00

Why am I all of a sudden nostalgic for things that aren't over yet?
3 more classes.
4 more interviews.
And an Improv show on the 15th.
And I have to find time for you, to make you feel right.
You fucking owe me big time.

Today was spent drinking on the field between critique and my final interview for Intermedia.
Then drinking at Denny's with the V4L Triforce. Then some green indulgence at W's.
Then home, where I attempted to dig glass from my foot and made cookies and realised I have to trek 50 pounds of supplies to school tomorrow for my installation. (Photos on Friday.)
Joy.

Good luck finding someone if I don't fit the bill

2009-04-02T16:50:00.000-07:00

tylenol x 2, sleeping aids x 2, vitamin c, cranberry and multivitamin. it was a long day.

My life in numbers would be as follows:

1 year of school completed.
2 mistakes that I don't regret (and would commit again).
3 friends I'm going to miss.
4 months of no school.
5 months that caused the boy and I so much grief.
6 reasons to come back.
7 more years of schooling, probably (degree, BFA, MFA, teaching certification...).
8 months where I ingested cadium, saw dust, clay and spray paint.
9 teachers that changed my life.
10 classes that taught me more than all my previous schooling.
and...
An infinity of ideas swirling in the vortex of my skull.

p.s. please respond to my e-mails.

Leif Erikson

2009-03-31T16:15:00.000-07:00

I texted you today, to see if you'd reply.
You didn't.
(Should be held with kid gloves)
It helps with the lights out, to pretend that we're okay.
Like braille in the night time.

If your life is such a big joke, why should I care?

So then hook me up and pull me baby cakes...
'Cause I like to get hooked

I'm regressing back to my unhealthiest state.

Picture you and me together.
It'll be okay.

IT'S LIKE LEARNING A NEW LANGUAGE

To the Trifecta

2009-03-30T14:59:00.000-07:00

Laundry detergent, cologne, coffee, weed, water , tv sounds, a couch, warm bodies.

I slept there and left feeling like a whore

I check my e-mail obsessively to see if you're written back.
I'm posting to see if you'll reply.
I walk past your place, and I cross the road so I can stare through your windows.

Why am I doing this?

But please call me back.

It's way too late

2009-03-29T10:49:00.000-07:00

To be this lost inside ourselves.
The trouble is, you're in love with someone else.

Should be me.

So, there are less and less weeks of school left.
I don't want more school, I don't want to work.
So what is it I want to do?

That top picture is my brother and his friend on New Years.
The one photo of the two of them I like.

Honey, you are the one.

2009-02-16T13:58:00.001-08:00

I miss what I used to have, in the summer time.

And in high school.

I miss the friends, the lingering talks,

The perspiring beers fresh from the cooler,

Cracked and sipped on the beach.

I miss those feelings where you don't care what comes next, because right now is perfect.

This is all I could ever subscribe to.

2009-02-07T22:15:00.000-08:00

A lovely day

Where oil and wildlife mix

A sympathetic, sometimes whimsical view

The ecstasy and the agony

Of crimes

Video Tapes

2009-01-20T23:11:00.000-08:00

Saturday night is alright for fighting.

I wish I had a camera worth using and I wasn't such an amateur.

But what truly makes a pro photographer?

I enjoy taking photos, isn't that enough?

And sometimes, they turn out okay.

It's not so much about capturing the moment, but more so the reason behind it.

Debate Exposes Doubt

2009-01-06T15:54:00.000-08:00

Being all alone on the ferry, except for my boyfriend. What odd voices I hear from the hull of the ship, lulling me to sleep in the only chair. Bus rides home and New Year's Eve. Spice racks, labels all turned out, ready for the culinary masters to pick and choose. I'm sore.

Starry nights

2008-12-22T10:42:00.000-08:00

I take bad photos with long exposures, using the "Night Portrait" setting on my boyfriend's shitty 45$ camera from Staples.

I'm not a photographer, and I will never claim to be.

However, photographs that are blurred and smudged make me very happy.

Swooning babies

2008-12-21T11:52:00.000-08:00

It's snowing outside.

And hasn't stopped since last night.

I'm going to go insane from spending far too much time indoors with stupid boys who think drinking their weight in Everclear is a smart idea.

That's it, ingest more poison...

Right.

Too much time on my hands. <3